By Stacy Hixon, LPC
Quite often in sessions I bring up the term, “emotional intimacy.” Many of us have not heard this term let alone know what it is or how to create it in our relationships, so let’s define this.
According to an article written on the website Psych Central, emotional intimacy is defined as, “being transparent with your deepest feelings, fears, and thoughts. It involves feeling safe and not judged.” Emotional intimacy is the deepest way to connect with another person and is critical for sustaining a healthy relationship.
Our society, in general, is very transactional. We smile, wave, make small talk, text, email and attending events. Do you have depth in the relationship though? Do we feel so connected to others that we cannot imagine any other way of living? Emotional intimacy is one of the main ingredients in finding contentment in our lives.
Now that you know what emotional intimacy is, how do we create it in our relationships? First, let me say that we cannot develop emotional intimacy overnight. We have to reframe most of the dysfunctional conditioning that we’ve subconsciously learned and practiced in our relationships thus far. We have to learn new behaviors and thought processes, so it’s not an easy step by step process that you can accomplish in a week. It takes time, patience, and grace for ourselves and the other people in our relationships.
A relationship with emotional intimacy consists of the following ingredients:
- Feeling safe sharing deep emotions, feelings, thoughts, mistakes, shame, guilt, and pain.
- Feeling validated in sharing the deepest moments of our lives.
- Feeling heard and listened to by the person we’re sharing with.
- Feeling supported by the other person.
- Feeling respected by the other person.
- Knowing that the other person will not tell another soul what you share with them.
- Knowing that the other person will not offer unsolicited advice or try to “fix” us.
- Knowing that the other person holds no judgment of us in what we share.
- Knowing that regardless of what lies in our minds, the other person loves us.
- Knowing the other person will not use the vulnerable information we share to hurt us, or keep score to use later against us.
- Knowing that the vulnerability and support is shared in the relationship.
- Knowing that the relationship is based on transparency, honesty and trust.
- Knowing the other person will not threaten us or intentionally try to hurt us.
- Knowing that we’re both flawed humans who have made mistakes and will never reach perfection.
- Knowing that you are partners in the relationship, working together to maintain a healthy and functional relationship as you grow together.
That, my friends, is emotional intimacy.
LifeWise Counseling and Wellness, LLC 