Stress is something every human can relate to. It does not discriminate as it affects everyone at some point.
So what is stress? Stress is an activation response in your mind and body. It is like a switch that turns on when you are faced with a challenge. That challenge can be real, or it can be perceived. In other words, your brain reacts to what it believes is a threat, even if there is no actual danger present.
When we are under stress, our nervous system shifts into survival mode. Your body reacts as if you are in danger, even if the “threat” is just a deadline, financial pressure, or a difficult conversation. Your heart may beat faster, your breathing may become shallow or rapid, your muscles tighten and your thoughts become more reactive and less logical. The part of your brain responsible for reasoning and decision making quiets down, while the survival part becomes louder.
When we are stressed, what we need is emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and respond to your emotions in a balanced and controlled way instead of reacting impulsively. It does not mean ignoring your emotions. It means slowing down enough to respond thoughtfully rather than react automatically.
There are several practical ways to emotionally regulate.
- Box breathing is one simple technique. Inhale through your nose for four seconds. Hold your breath for four seconds. Exhale through your mouth for four seconds. Hold again for four seconds. Repeat this cycle several times. This helps signal safety to your nervous system.
- Grounding techniques are also effective. You can drink something ice cold or hold an ice cube in your hand. You can orient yourself to your environment by naming things you see, hear, feel, and smell. You can splash cold water on your face or run cold water over your hands. These strategies help bring your body back to the present moment.
- Movement is another powerful tool. Going for a short walk, stretching, jumping in place, or physically shaking out tension can help release stress chemicals that build up in the body.
- Decatastrophizing is asking yourself, “What is actually happening right now?” This helps separate facts from worst case thinking and brings your mind back to reality.
- Email yourself f you feel the urge to say something you may regret, write an email expressing exactly how you feel and send it to yourself instead. Giving your nervous system time to settle before engaging can prevent unnecessary conflict.
- Music and vibration can also help regulate the body. Listening to music or using a vibrating massager on your neck and shoulders can help release physical tension.
If possible, avoid engaging in difficult conversations while you are dysregulated. If you must engage, distress tolerance skills become essential, and that is something we can explore next.
