One of the most difficult topics for families to discuss is when sexual abuse happens within the family dynamic. When the truth comes out, there is a flood of confusing emotions. Oftentimes, children become very confused as a family member is usually someone very close to them. We love our family members and care for them, so when we discover one of them has done something harmful to us, it’s very difficult to come to terms with. When we think of family sexual abuse, we usually think of an adult harming a child, however, it does occur that the one who harms us is another child, such as a sibling or a cousin. That’s when it’s most confusing for everyone involved.
According to an article regarding sibling sex abuse,
“Sibling sexual abuse is the most common type of child sexual abuse to occur in families. Researchers estimate it occurs between three to four times more often than father-to-daughter sexual abuse. A study by the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (UK) interviewed 2,869 young adults and found that of those who were sexually abused, 43% were victims of sibling sexual abuse” (Stathopoulos, 2012).
It is common for children to not realize they were sexually abused until later in adulthood. Many children believe it happens in every family because it’s happening to them in their family. While siblings being curious and touching each other may be common and in some cases, “normal.” We can view the table below to learn the differences (Sibling sexual trauma, 2023).
Normative
- Young, prepubescent
- Children similar in age
- Lighthearted, playful
- Mutual, voluntary
- Driven by curiosity
- Matches development and age
- Brief, mostly visual
- Socially acceptable
Inappropriate
- Pushes the limits of social norms
- Often a one-time event
- Driven by impulsivity or immaturity
- May be outside appropriate context
- Generally consensual and reciprocal
- May cause embarrassment
Problematic
- Outside soical norms
- Level of harm may be unclear
- Consent may be blurred or hard to assess
- May involve imbalance of age, power, status
- May include compulsive elements
- Not usual for developmental stage
Abusive
- Harmful intent and/or outcome
- Initiator knows the behavior is wrong
- Includes enticement or coercion
- Lack of consent, or inability to give full consent
- More likely to be ongoing
- Often a gap in age, size, status, or social development
- Driven by power and/or sexual gratification
Violent
- Involves force, threats, or intimidation
- Highly intrusive
- May include physical violence
- May include sadism
- May leave evidence of physical trauma
If you or someone you know has experienced family sexual abuse, please reach out to a licensed professional to help you navigate how to proceed.
To read more on this topic, please follow the links to some helpful information.
https://www.siblingsexualtrauma.com/wherestheline
