By Stacy Hixon, MA, LPC-S, CCTP
When people think about the therapeutic relationship, it is often viewed as a “service.” While counseling is a professional service, it is also a relationship between two humans. Yes, the counselor is the trained professional, but we are still human beings engaging in a structured, contractual relationship with another person.
Counselors do not just study human behavior. We experience it every day, ourselves.
We have families, partners, spouses, children, and friends. Many of us are also managing businesses, as a large number of counselors are self-employed. If we do not work, we do not get paid. Many of us do not have traditional benefits such as retirement plans or employer-provided health insurance.
We bring grace, empathy, compassion, and a nonjudgmental presence into the therapy room. However, we are not always afforded those same considerations.
There are times when counselors are mistreated, and this is a reality that is not often discussed openly. This can look like repeated late cancellations without regard for policy, pressure to waive fees, requests for unpaid time outside of session, or expectations of constant access without compensation. It can also show up as entitlement to additional time, emotional labor, or special treatment that falls outside the structure of therapy.
Counseling is not an open-ended, unlimited resource. It is a professional service with clearly defined boundaries, including time, availability, and financial agreements. When those boundaries are consistently pushed or disregarded, it creates strain on the relationship and can lead to burnout and ethical concerns for the counselor.
Respect for those boundaries is not just about protecting the counselor. It is part of maintaining a healthy and effective therapeutic environment.
There are also situations where clients speak negatively about their counselor or other counselors to others, whether within a shared practice, in group settings, or in the community. In some cases, this may involve misrepresentation, triangulation, or attempts to undermine the counselor’s role and in extreme cases could lead to a legal issue called libel.
When this occurs, it impacts the integrity of the therapeutic relationship. Trust is a two-way process. Just as clients expect confidentiality, professionalism, and loyalty from their counselor, counselors also require a basic level of respect and relational integrity from clients.
A client who is actively working against the counselor outside of session cannot reasonably expect the relationship to remain unaffected. These dynamics damage trust and often create ruptures that are difficult, and sometimes impossible, to repair.
The therapeutic relationship is still a relationship. It’s not just about the client, it’s about both the client and counselor. That means there may be misunderstandings, disagreements, or ruptures. When that happens, both parties have an opportunity to work toward repair. However, not all ruptures can be repaired. In some cases, the relationship becomes unstable, and the counselor must make the ethical and professional decision to step away because it is the healthiest option for those involved.
Counselors have feelings. We strive to show up with neutrality and professionalism, but we are not without limits. Our experiences shape us, just as our clients’ experiences shape them.
It is also important to understand that a client’s progress in therapy ultimately belongs to the client. A counselor can guide, support, and provide tools, but the work must be done by the client. Therapy is not something that happens to a person. It is something a person actively engages in.
Communication is essential. Counselors cannot read minds. We rely on clients to openly share their thoughts, feelings, and needs. If a client wants a different direction in therapy, that must be communicated to the counselor for the work to remain effective and meaningful.
At its core, the client-counselor relationship requires mutual respect, honesty, accountability, and responsibility. A counselor cannot carry the relationship alone, nor can they control how a client chooses to participate.
The most important factor in successful therapy is the connection between the counselor and the client. That connection creates safety, trust, and the foundation for change. Over time, that connection can become damaged. When it does, both parties must be willing to work toward repair, if possible.
If repair is not possible, then termination is the most appropriate and ethical step. This allows the client to continue care with another provider who may be a better fit.
Termination does not mean failure. It does not mean anyone is wrong or inadequate. It reflects a shift in what is clinically appropriate and sustainable, and sometimes the most responsible next step is a new therapeutic relationship.
