One of the most important facets of therapy is accountability. What is the definition of accountability? “The willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions,” (Merriam Webster Dictionary, 2024).
It is imperative that we hold ourselves accountable in therapy to grow, heal, recover and change. When we don’t hold ourselves accountable, we end up blaming others, being stuck, or possibly getting depressed, anxious, stressed and being miserable.
How do we hold ourselves accountable?
- Having an open mindset for taking a critical look at ourselves and being willing to accept things that we may not like.
- Acknowledging, accepting and admitting that we are the only person responsible for our actions and choices.
- Being receptive instead of reactive or defensive to taking feedback and correction from the way others experience our behavior and choices.
- Focusing on our own behaviors and choices instead of blaming others or making excuses for what we choose.
- Keeping a record of what we need to change and how we want to change it.
- Having an accountability partner, most likely our therapist, however it could be someone we trust, feel emotionally safe to be vulnerable with, and can remain neutral.
- Setting boundaries with ourselves and for ourselves with others.
- Eliminate stonewalling, criticism and contempt toward others.
- Journaling out our anger and other difficult feelings to overcome resentment and bitterness.
- Accepting the things we may not like about ourselves and being willing to change them.
- Accepting that we’ve made mistakes and we will continue to make mistakes.
- Eliminate judgement of ourselves and others, which will allow us to not feel guilty or shameful.
- Being able to admit and apologize when we have done something to hurt others even if we didn’t intend to do so.
- Setting goals for change.
- Balance our shortcomings with our strengths.
- Counting our blessings or gratitudes each day.
- Taking in healthy and helpful information instead of looking at negative content on social media, movies, TV shows, the news and conversations.
- Building a support network and community of healthy people who we enjoy doing healthy activities with and engaging in healthy relationships with.
- Practicing self-care that is healthy and helpful.
Ultimately, holding ourselves accountable and choosing to change is the path that leads to purpose and contentment. “Accountability feels like an attack when you’re not ready to acknowledge how your behavior is harmful.” – Unknown
