Often in sessions my clients and I talk about prioritizing ourselves. For most of us we don’t even know what that looks like. In our society, we’ve been conditioned to believe that prioritizing ourselves is selfish. I disagree! Prioritizing ourselves is necessary!
First, let’s get the idea of prioritizing ourselves as selfish out of the way. A selfish act is boring, repetitive, petty and egocentric. When we don’t put ourselves first, it’s neglect. When we’ve neglected ourselves for too long, it affects us mentally, physically and spiritually. The you that needs priority is the authentic you, not the roles you have in life, but the core of yourself.
First, think about your owner’s manual. You’re the only one who really knows what you need, so it may take some time to explore yourself and figure out why the “check engine” light is on. I would recommend creating a space in your home where you can be quiet. Maybe it’s a chair in your bedroom, the back patio, or the bathtub. It should be a place where you feel safe and comfortable. Where you can listen to music, enjoy aromas and comfortably journal.
Second, I recommend taking some time each day, at least 15-30 minutes, preferably, to sit with yourself. You may put on some relaxing music, turn on the diffuser, and snuggle up with a soft blanket. Sit for at least 2-3 minutes deep breathing and allowing your mind to flow. Try not to force any thoughts or feelings, just allow them to occur. After the free thought flow, journal for a few minutes about what occurred in your mind. Remember that journaling doesn’t have to be in any specific format. It could be some words, a brainstorming format, drawings, etc.
Third, get to know yourself. Who are you? Think about the things you liked as a child and why you liked them. Who you wanted to be as an adult. Who you are now and who you would like to be in the future. Then, think about how you want to create the version of yourself that you want to be.
Fourth, think about your energy reserves, like the battery on your phone. If you’re supposed to start out with 100% after a good night’s sleep, how much energy do you actually begin your day with? How much energy does each task take? Do you have any “apps” (thoughts, feelings, stressors, etc.) running in the background all day that drains your energy even when you aren’t interacting with them? Think about what recharges your energy and how often you do those things. How often do you realistically need to recharge so you begin each day with at least 80% energy?
Fifth, what are some things you do just for yourself? Do you have activities, interests or hobbies that are just about you? Do you spend time with friends or family just for yourself? We all have an account with each relationship, are you both withdrawing and depositing with yours? Are the other people in the relationship also withdrawing and depositing in the account? Is the relationship healthy for you or are you the only one depositing and the other person withdrawing? Is there anything you would change about the relationships in your life? How would you do so?
Sixth, what are you doing to care for your physical health and spiritual health? Is there anything you need to change about the way you care for your body and spirit? What would you like to change and how would you do so?
Remember that prioritizing yourself isn’t just about pampering. It’s also about asking for help, delegating responsibilities, and taking time for yourself every day. It’s about paying your bills on time, putting gas in the car, doing laundry and asking for help if you are overwhelmed.
If you don’t prioritize yourself, no one else will!
