Oftentimes we think of the ego as something that allows for superiority, however that is not really accurate. “The ego is that part of yourself that is rooted in fear, guilt, shame, and grandiosity and is directly at odds with your true self “(Gibson, 2000). In truth, the mission of the ego is counter to finding contentment in our lives. The ego is that voice that keeps us questioning our value, worth, confidence, and capabilities.

The ego is not only innate to humans, it also develops through our early childhood experiences. Ego thoughts don’t come from our inner voice as we may think. The ego voice comes from childhood authority figures. The ego is also not our conscience as the conscience is the inner voice that helps us determine between right and wrong. The ego fears rejection and believes it knows all. The ego deludes us into beliefs that are contrary to truth.

Messages the ego tells us:

• The ego encourages worry and indecisiveness.
• The ego tells us that perfection is the only way.
• The ego magnifies every negative emotions which leaves us overwhelmed and exhausted.
• The ego encourages us to blame others.
• The ego tells us not to trust anyone.
• The ego encourages us to be suspicious of everyone.
• The ego tells us that we have to be competitive and envious.
• The ego encourages us to believe that when things become hard we should quit.
• The ego tells us to second guess our decisions.
• The go wants us to feel guilty about everything.
• The ego will make us believe that good things are too good to be true.
• The ego discourages us from following our dreams.
• The ego discourages us from trusting ourselves to know our limits.
• The ego delights when we are too hard on ourselves.

In order to manage the ego, we have to recognize where that inner voice is coming from. I often ask, “who made you feel that way?” as a device to help us recognize where the origin of those thoughts come from. Again, it’s usually an authority figure from our past who may have said something similar and our ego is repeating it, or gave us unspoken messages that led us to believe some of those things.

By exploring your past, you get to know your ego and what to expect from it. When your ego gives you false information, rationalize what it is telling you and speak out loud to it in your most assertive voice. Argue with your ego in a logical and rational way that allows you to believe in yourself and speak out the ego’s flaws. Ask yourself how you want to feel and express that to your ego. The best way to overcome your ego is to be assertive and take a stand against the flawed messages it’s saying to you. If your ego tells you to be afraid, then finding reasons to be courageous. Choosing the opposing action from the ego and trusting your own voice is often helpful. Reinforce what you know to be true by seeing out support from trusted friends and family members.

You can overcome your ego!

Resources:

Gibson, L. (2000). Who you were meant to be.