emotional regulation

What Trauma Actually Does to the Brain and Body

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By: Stacy Hixon, MA, LPC-S, CCTP, FRTP

Trauma is not simply a bad memory. It is not weakness, overreacting, attention seeking, or an inability to “move

on.” Trauma is an experience that overwhelms the brain and body’s ability to cope, process, and return to a felt sense of safety. When someone experiences trauma, especially repeated trauma, the nervous system can begin operating as if danger is always nearby, even when the person is technically safe.

Trauma changes the way the brain and body communicate. The brain’s alarm system can become more sensitive, the body can stay on high alert, and the person may begin reacting to life through survival responses rather than calm, present-day reasoning. This is why trauma can impact emotions, sleep, concentration, relationships, physical health, decision-making, and the ability to feel safe with others.

The Brain’s Alarm System

One of the main areas involved in trauma is the amygdala, which acts like the brain’s threat detector. Its job is to scan for danger and alert the body when something feels unsafe. After trauma, the amygdala may become overactive. This means the person may feel anxious, irritable, startled, defensive, panicked, or emotionally flooded, even when the current situation does not appear dangerous to others.

This is not the person being dramatic. It is the brain trying to protect them.

When the alarm system becomes highly sensitive, everyday situations can feel threatening. A tone of voice, facial expression, smell, sound, conflict, rejection, silence, or sudden change can activate the nervous system. The body may respond before the person has time to think through what is happening.

The Thinking Brain Can Go Offline

The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain involved in reasoning, decision-making, impulse control, emotional regulation, and perspective-taking. When a person feels safe, this part of the brain helps them slow down, think clearly, and respond intentionally.

During trauma activation, the prefrontal cortex may become less available. This is why people may say things they do not mean, shut down, panic, freeze, become defensive, or struggle to explain what they are feeling. The survival brain takes over, and the thinking brain temporarily loses access to the steering wheel.

This is also why telling someone to “calm down” rarely works. If their nervous system is in survival mode, they may not be able to access calm reasoning until their body first feels safer.

The Body Remembers

Trauma is stored not only in memory, but also in the body. A person may not consciously think about what happened, but their body may still react. This can look like muscle tension, stomach issues, headaches, chest tightness, fatigue, sleep problems, chronic pain, shallow breathing, or feeling constantly on edge.

The body may also hold patterns of bracing, scanning, avoiding, or preparing for danger. For some people, relaxation can even feel uncomfortable because their nervous system learned that staying alert was necessary for survival.

This is why trauma healing often requires more than talking about what happened. The body has to learn that it is safe now, not just intellectually, but physically.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

Trauma responses are survival responses. They are not personality flaws.

Fight may look like anger, defensiveness, control, irritability, or confrontation.

Flight may look like overworking, avoiding conflict, staying busy, leaving relationships quickly, or constantly needing an escape plan.

Freeze may look like shutting down, going numb, dissociating, feeling stuck, or being unable to speak or act.

Fawn may look like people-pleasing, apologizing excessively, ignoring personal needs, trying to keep others happy, or avoiding disagreement to stay safe.

These responses often began as ways to survive. The problem is that survival strategies can continue long after the original danger has passed.

Trauma and Relationships

Trauma can deeply affect relationships. When someone has been hurt, abandoned, betrayed, controlled, neglected, or repeatedly unsafe, connection can become complicated. A person may want closeness but fear vulnerability. They may crave reassurance but struggle to trust it. They may interpret distance as rejection, conflict as danger, or emotional intimacy as a risk.

Trauma can also impact attachment patterns. Some people become anxious and fear being left. Others become avoidant and fear being trapped or dependent. Some alternate between the two, wanting closeness one moment and needing distance the next.

These patterns are not random. They are often the nervous system’s attempt to prevent future pain.

Trauma and Shame

One of the most painful effects of trauma is shame. Many trauma survivors blame themselves for what happened, how they responded, or how long it has taken them to heal. They may wonder why they did not fight back, why they stayed, why they froze, why they still react, or why they cannot “just get over it.”

The truth is that trauma responses are automatic. They are not carefully chosen in the moment. The nervous system does what it believes will create the best chance of survival.

Healing begins when we replace shame with understanding.

Healing Is Possible

The brain and body can change. Trauma can alter the nervous system, but healing can help restore safety, regulation, connection, and choice. Therapy can help clients understand their trauma responses, reduce shame, identify triggers, build coping skills, process painful experiences, and learn how to respond rather than simply survive.

Healing does not mean forgetting what happened. It means the trauma no longer controls the present in the same way. It means the body begins to understand that the danger is not happening right now. It means the person can begin to feel more grounded, more connected, and more in control of their life.

Final Thoughts

Trauma affects the brain, body, emotions, relationships, and sense of self. It can make the world feel unsafe, the body feel unpredictable, and relationships feel threatening. But trauma responses are not signs of failure. They are signs that the nervous system adapted to survive.

A trauma-informed approach allows us to view symptoms through the lens of survival rather than judgment. When we understand what trauma actually does to the brain and body, we can stop asking, “Why are you acting this way?” and begin asking, “What happened, what protected you, and what do you need now to heal?”

You are not broken. Your nervous system learned how to protect you. Healing is the process of teaching it that protection and peace can exist together.

Book recommendations about trauma:

Copyright © 2026 LifeWise Counseling and Wellness, LLC. All rights reserved.

Understanding Metacognition: Enhance Your Thinking Skills

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Illustration showing a human head with a brain, a person thinking, and symbolic icons representing thought process

By Stacy Hixon, MA, LPC-S, CCTP, FRTP

Metacognition is the practice of increasing awareness of how our thoughts influence our emotions, behaviors, and patterns. In simple terms, it means thinking about how we think.

Often, we move through our thoughts automatically. We may react to our emotions, treat feelings as facts, or make assumptions without pausing to weigh the evidence. Many people experience cognitive distortions, which are flawed or unhelpful thinking patterns that can affect how they see themselves, others, and situations.

When we learn to examine our thought processes, we become better able to identify cognitive distortions, challenge reactive thinking, and respond in healthier ways. This increased awareness can lead to more balanced emotions, healthier choices, and more effective behavior patterns.

Below is a directive that can help you practice Metacognition.

Situational Awareness:

    • Think of a recent situation that happened.
    • Be neutral, not inferring any interpretations.
    • What happened?
    • Where were you?
    • Who was involved?

    Automatic Thoughts:

    • What immediately went through your mind?
    • What did you tell yourself about the situation?
    • If your thoughts had a headline, what would it be?

    Emotional Reaction:

    • What feelings surfaced for you?
    • Rate the intensity of each feeling from 1 (the least intense) to 10 (the most intense)
    • Where did you feel the feelings inside of your body?

    Behavioral Response:

    Actions Taken:

    • What did you avoid doing?
    • What urges did you have?

    Thinking Patterns:

    Note any that apply:

    • All or Nothing Thinking or Black and White Thinking: Seeing things in extremes, such as good or bad, success or failure, with little room for middle ground.
    • Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst-case scenario or assuming something will be unbearable.
    • Mind Reading: Assuming you know what someone else is thinking without clear evidence.
    • Emotional Reasoning: Believing something is true because it feels true.
    • Overgeneralization: Taking one event or experience and applying it broadly to other situations.
    • Personalization: Blaming yourself for things that are not fully your responsibility.
    • Should Statements: Using rigid rules like “I should,” “I must,” or “I have to,” which can create guilt, shame, or pressure.
    • Minimizing or Discounting the Positives: Dismissing strengths, progress, compliments, or positive experiences as unimportant.

    Slow it Down:

    • What evidence do you have that supports your thoughts?
    • What evidence does not support it?
    • What might someone else see differently?
    • Am I reacting to my emotions or responding to facts?

    Core Belief Exploration:

    • What do my thoughts say about me?
    • What do my thoughts say about others?
    • What do my thoughts say about my world?

    Alternative Thought:

    • What is a more logical or helpful thought?
    • Can my feelings be valid and my thoughts be true at the same time?
    • What would I tell another person in this situation?

    Intentional Response:

    • What is the most aligned actionable behavior that align with my values?
    • What would an emotionally regulated version of me do?
    • What boundary or need is present here?

    Reflection:

    • Did my response help or hurt the situation?
    • What did I learn about my patterns?
    • What will I do differently next time?

    Practicing metacognition helps us slow down, notice our thoughts more clearly, and respond with intention rather than reacting automatically. Over time, this awareness can make it easier to challenge unhelpful thinking patterns, regulate emotions, and make choices that align with our values and goals. Metacognition is not about judging our thoughts, but about understanding them so we can create healthier patterns in how we think, feel, and behave.

    © 2026 LifeWise Counseling and Wellness, LLC. All rights reserved.

    When You’re the Strong One: The Hidden Cost of Suppression

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    By Stacy Hixon, MA, LPC-S, CCTP

    In mental health, we often see people equate being “the strong one” with suppressing their emotions and avoiding difficult experiences. When humans feel emotional pain, our instinct is to push against it and try to stop the discomfort.

    The problem is, feelings do not go away. They get pushed down inside of us.

    Over time, we keep stuffing things down until something small happens and we have a reaction that feels much bigger than the situation itself. That reaction is not just about the moment. It is the buildup of everything that was never processed.

    Most of us grew up in environments where emotions were suppressed or avoided. It is common to hear clients say, “My family just swept everything under the rug,” or “We did not talk about anything difficult.” We learn how to manage our emotions based on what we were exposed to in childhood.

    When caregivers are emotionally dysregulated due to their own suppression, those patterns are often passed down. As children, we absorb those behaviors and carry them into adulthood without realizing it.

    One of the first steps in changing this pattern is learning to identify where you feel emotions in your body. Your body is often the first indicator that something needs your attention.

    Ask yourself:

    • Where do I feel this in my body?
    • What does it feel like?

    From there, begin to explore:

    • What emotion is this?
    • What does this feeling need?
    • Why is it showing up right now?

    After identifying the emotion, it is important to regulate your nervous system before reacting. This might include slowing your breathing, grounding yourself, or taking a moment to pause.

    Once you feel more regulated, return to the emotion and consider what it needs. From there, you can create a plan of action to respond to yourself in a way that is supportive and intentional.

    © 2026 LifeWise Counseling and Wellness, LLC. All rights reserved. lifewisetx.com

    Strengthen Your Emotions: Consistent Regulation Practices

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    By Stacy Hixon, MA, LPC-S, CCTP

    Emotional regulation is the ability to notice and understand your emotions. It also involves managing them so they do not control your behavior or decisions.

    It involves pausing, tolerating emotional discomfort, and responding in a thoughtful way rather than reacting impulsively.

    Most people delay thinking about implementing emotional regulation skills. They wait until they are in crisis. They often reach a stress level of 10 before considering these skills. Before they realize it though, they are back in crisis again when the next wave of stress hits.

    Emotional regulation skills work most effectively when we practice them consistently. It’s like strengthening a muscle. We have to learn to work out the brain’s ability to pause, regulate and respond rather than react. Our nervous system learns through repetition.

    When we practice emotional regulation several times a day, we learn to feel calm and emotionally stable consistently. Practicing during neutral and positive moments allows our brain to learn to process without the pressure of intense emotions. Over time, this repetition ingrains the skills as second nature. We can then use them when we’re feeling stressed, angry, anxious, or experiencing a plethora of other difficult emotions.

    Guidelines for Emotional Regulation:

    • Practice at least 3 times a day and then every time you feel stressed or difficult emotions throughout the day.
    • Spend about 5 minutes practicing in the morning when you awaken, at lunch and then before bed.
    • Be patient with the process. Emotional regulation is a skill that develops over time through repetition.
    • The goal is to make the tools automatic responses when difficult emotions arise.

    If emotional regulation is only practiced during times of emotional crisis, it may not work at all. It might not be as effective. Regular practice trains the mind and nervous system to use these strategies naturally when we are feeling dysregulated.

    Below are a list of emotional regulation skills. We suggest choosing 2 at a time to alternate practicing for a week at a time. You may switch the following week to try different ones and see which ones you like the best.

    1. Box breathing
      Inhale 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, exhale 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds. Repeat several cycles to calm the nervous system.
    2. 5-4-3-2-1 grounding
      Identify 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
    3. Name the emotion
      Pause and label the feeling precisely. Example: frustrated, ashamed, overwhelmed.
    4. Temperature change
      Splash cold water on the face. Alternatively, hold a cold pack to activate the dive reflex. This will lower emotional intensity.
    5. Opposite action
      Do the behavioral opposite of the emotional urge when the emotion is not justified by the situation.
    6. Cognitive reframe
      Identify the automatic thought and generate at least two alternative explanations.
    7. Progressive muscle relaxation
      Systematically tense and release muscle groups from head to toe.
    8. Body movement discharge
      Brief physical activity such as walking, stretching, or shaking out tension.
    9. Self soothing through senses
      Use sensory input such as music, scent, texture, or warmth to calm the nervous system.
    10. Urge surfing
      Observe emotional urges like waves that rise, peak, and fall without acting on them.
    11. Emotion intensity scaling
      Rate the emotion from 0 to 10 to create psychological distance and track reduction.
    12. Mindful breathing
      Focus attention only on the breath moving in and out.
    13. Thought defusion
      Observe thoughts as mental events rather than facts.
    14. Radical acceptance
      Acknowledge reality as it is without fighting it internally.
    15. Containment visualization
      Mentally place distressing thoughts into a container to revisit later.
    16. Self validation
      Acknowledge that the emotion makes sense given the situation or past experiences.
    17. Delay response
      Wait 10 to 20 minutes before responding to a triggering situation.
    18. Values check
      Ask: what action here aligns with the person I want to be.
    19. Safe person contact
      Reach out to a trusted individual for grounding conversation.
    20. Compassionate self talk
      Speak internally as one would to a respected friend who is struggling.

    © 2026 LifeWise Counseling and Wellness, LLC. All rights reserved. lifewisetx.com

    Understanding Stress: How It Affects You

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    By Stacy Hixon, MA, LPC-S, CCTP

    Stress is something every human can relate to. It does not discriminate as it affects everyone at some point.

    So what is stress? Stress is an activation response in your mind and body. It is like a switch that turns on when you are faced with a challenge. That challenge can be real, or it can be perceived. In other words, your brain reacts to what it believes is a threat, even if there is no actual danger present.

    When we are under stress, our nervous system shifts into survival mode. Your body reacts as if you are in danger, even if the “threat” is just a deadline, financial pressure, or a difficult conversation. Your heart may beat faster, your breathing may become shallow or rapid, your muscles tighten and your thoughts become more reactive and less logical. The part of your brain responsible for reasoning and decision making quiets down, while the survival part becomes louder.

    When we are stressed, what we need is emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and respond to your emotions in a balanced and controlled way instead of reacting impulsively. It does not mean ignoring your emotions. It means slowing down enough to respond thoughtfully rather than react automatically.

    There are several practical ways to emotionally regulate.

    • Box breathing is one simple technique. Inhale through your nose for four seconds. Hold your breath for four seconds. Exhale through your mouth for four seconds. Hold again for four seconds. Repeat this cycle several times. This helps signal safety to your nervous system.
    • Grounding techniques are also effective. You can drink something ice cold or hold an ice cube in your hand. You can orient yourself to your environment by naming things you see, hear, feel, and smell. You can splash cold water on your face or run cold water over your hands. These strategies help bring your body back to the present moment.
    • Movement is another powerful tool. Going for a short walk, stretching, jumping in place, or physically shaking out tension can help release stress chemicals that build up in the body.
    • Decatastrophizing is asking yourself, “What is actually happening right now?” This helps separate facts from worst case thinking and brings your mind back to reality.
    • Email yourself f you feel the urge to say something you may regret, write an email expressing exactly how you feel and send it to yourself instead. Giving your nervous system time to settle before engaging can prevent unnecessary conflict.
    • Music and vibration can also help regulate the body. Listening to music or using a vibrating massager on your neck and shoulders can help release physical tension.

    If possible, avoid engaging in difficult conversations while you are dysregulated. If you must engage, distress tolerance skills become essential, and that is something we can explore next.

    © 2026 LifeWise Counseling and Wellness, LLC. All rights reserved. lifewisetx.com