By Stacy Hixon, MA, LPC-S, CCTP
In mental health, we often see people equate being “the strong one” with suppressing their emotions and avoiding difficult experiences. When humans feel emotional pain, our instinct is to push against it and try to stop the discomfort.
The problem is, feelings do not go away. They get pushed down inside of us.
Over time, we keep stuffing things down until something small happens and we have a reaction that feels much bigger than the situation itself. That reaction is not just about the moment. It is the buildup of everything that was never processed.
Most of us grew up in environments where emotions were suppressed or avoided. It is common to hear clients say, “My family just swept everything under the rug,” or “We did not talk about anything difficult.” We learn how to manage our emotions based on what we were exposed to in childhood.
When caregivers are emotionally dysregulated due to their own suppression, those patterns are often passed down. As children, we absorb those behaviors and carry them into adulthood without realizing it.
One of the first steps in changing this pattern is learning to identify where you feel emotions in your body. Your body is often the first indicator that something needs your attention.
Ask yourself:
- Where do I feel this in my body?
- What does it feel like?
From there, begin to explore:
- What emotion is this?
- What does this feeling need?
- Why is it showing up right now?
After identifying the emotion, it is important to regulate your nervous system before reacting. This might include slowing your breathing, grounding yourself, or taking a moment to pause.
Once you feel more regulated, return to the emotion and consider what it needs. From there, you can create a plan of action to respond to yourself in a way that is supportive and intentional.
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